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5 steps to help you heal your inner child's abandonment wound.

A person standing alone on a hill

During my childhood I experienced abandonment and rejection from such a young age, I never felt like I was truely wanted anywhere. My father was in and out of jail, and the same with my life, my mother was emotionally unavailable as she battled her own demons and chronic depression and it truely felt like it was just me against the world.

That’s what it felt like - me vs them.

I created this belief that connection wasn’t safe as a way to mask my emotional scars from the pain of rejection from my parents.

I entered the wide world feeling unsure, disconnected and afraid of connection. As I navigated life from these beliefs, I created a wall around my heart and had an energy about me that kept people away, maintaining surface level connections to avoid the potentiality of rejection and abandonment. I truely felt so deeply that I wasn’t good enough and people would leave that I pushed them away before that could happen. All unconsciously of course.

I also became an overachiever, not only did I believe that others thought I wasn’t good enough, I also felt that deeply too in my belief system and so I entered this wheel of doing, doing, doing in order to prove to the world, myself, that I was worthy. The thing is though that with this wound, nothing ever felt good enough - throughout my studies I noticed this wound the most, you would think I would be proud to complete and be successful but there was always a lingering energy at the end of its not enough. It’s that not enough energy that kept pushing me to achieve more - not knowing nothing would ever be good enough because the work I needed to do was beneath the surface.

Because of what was unknowingly going on internally, I also began to use substances, food, alcohol, drugs and even shopping as a way to detach, a blanket over my deepest truths and fears.

Abandonment can deeply impact our lives, often lingering beneath the surface and influencing our relationships, self-worth, and emotional well-being.

Recognising and healing these wounds is a transformative process that begins with understanding, self-compassion, and deliberate steps towards healing.

Abandonment wounds are emotional imprints left by experiences of neglect, rejection, or separation in childhood or later in life.

These wounds can manifest in various forms: fear of rejection, difficulty forming close relationships, fear of being alone or a persistent sense of unworthiness.

Stop and take a second here, what so far in this blog has resonated something within you? Before you skip to the “how to fix” don’t bypass the powerful offering of knowledge and healing that comes from little old “awareness”.

How does Abandonment weave through your life?

Knowing where it comes from and where it goes gives a map to follow to heal, it is truely that straight forward. Not to say the map isn’t a challenging journey to follow, it for sure is - but you know where everything starts and ends if you connect within.

Okay now let’s get to the nitty gritty steps and the actual reason why you’re reading this blog.

Tip #1 - Acknowledgment and Awareness for inner child healing

Congratulations if you completed the step above you’re already well on your way because healing honestly begins by acknowledging the existence of the abandonment wound, by finding this blog I know you’re already acknowledging it. Self-awareness is crucial in recognising how abandonment has influenced your emotions, behaviours, and relationships. Understanding its impact helps you address it more effectively.

Tip #2 - Exploration of Past Experiences

One of the most powerful ways to lessen the grip abandonment has on your life is to reflect on past experiences that contributed to the abandonment wound. If you’re a kindred soul with an unhealthy coping method of avoiding like me then this step will be one of the hardest but understanding the circumstances, relationships, or events that may have led to feelings of abandonment or neglect will shift the wound in ways other methods simply cannot. Journaling or therapy can assist in this self exploration if you feel like you’re not fully ready to lead yourself through.

"Their perception of you is not your responsibility to live up to." – @wetheurban

Tip #3 - Inner child work

For most of us our abandonment wound stems from childhood experiences that left emotional imprints and beliefs that we have carried through adulthood with us. Engage in inner child work, a therapeutic approach that involves reconnecting with your younger self to heal emotional wounds. Through this practice, you offer compassion, understanding, and nurturing to your inner child, addressing unmet needs from the past and healing present symptoms. Guided meditations, mirror work or therapy are great tools to connect with the inner child.

Tip #4 - Rebuilding secure connections

An important part of healing the abandonment wound is learning to trust that you aren’t going to be abandoned. Work on building secure connections and healthy relationships. Focus on establishing trust, open communication, and setting boundaries in relationships. Engaging with supportive and trustworthy individuals can help you experience a sense of safety and belonging.

Tip #5 - Therapeutic Support and Healing Modalities

Seek professional support through therapy or counselling. Therapists skilled in trauma healing, attachment theory, or inner child work can guide you through the healing process. Consider therapists that incorporate in somatic therapy, as it is tailored to address abandonment wounds.

Don’t Forget Healing is a gradual process.

Remember, healing from the wounds of abandonment is a gradual journey that demands patience, self-kindness, and ongoing dedication. Your path to healing is unique, so take these steps at a pace that feels right for you and reach out for assistance whenever necessary.

If you're seeking additional support, my self-led masterclasses, courses, or personalized 1:1 therapy sessions could offer invaluable guidance. Visit the services tab here to explore the various ways I can assist you on your healing journey.

Sending you so much love and strength brave soul.

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